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Marijuana Saved My Relationship

Being high together gave us something to laugh about after months of distance.

his past August, my boyfriend and I were on the brink of breaking up. The slow build-up of issues and resentment had finally hit a wall, we both knew it. Neither of us wanted to end the relationship but we felt utterly lost. We didn’t know what to do.

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So I cried a lot and he took a step back to recenter with friends and family. Every time we talked, it seemed impossible to ignore the issues. If we tried to have a superficial conversation, it would very quickly spiral into conversations about pain and betrayal.

I was trying to conjure up hope for our relationship but in those moments, but hope was a distant memory.

This period of anguish happened to coincide with my boyfriend leaving the military. After four long years, he was finally free. He could now smoke weed, grow his hair long, see family whenever he pleased, and a long list of activities everyday citizens take for granted.

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My boyfriend Marc was most excited to smoke.

Marc was never a big partier; he’s the type of person who only drank soda in his red solo cup. So weed was never on his radar but after four years of stress and PTSD, he was eager to try what everyone raved about. Bonus points that the drug is now legal (at least where we live).

Regardless of our relationship in shambles, I was determined to help Marc celebrate the end of his military contract.

Whether we stayed together, he deserved this moment in all of its glory. So I went out and got him some flowers, two bongs, and a grinder.

We celebrated with some friends and had a smoke sesh. It was a normal occurrence for all of us civilians, but for Marc, this was special. Over the next couple of days, we kept having friends over and getting high.

After the long weekend of marijuana-induced Rick and Morty marathons with close friends, it was just him and me again. Unfortunately, our problems hadn’t dissipated in the cloud of smoke.

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Inour apartment, there was a perpetual tense atmosphere. I think it would be safe to say that both of us walked on eggshells. In the coming weeks, Marc and I started smoking together after our long days at work.

The tension and resentment were still there but it was less intense when we were high. We cuddled and laughed together, something we had forgotten how to do. We giggled and Marc smiled at me. I couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely smiled at me instead of just around me.

For months we had been avoiding spending quality time together, too afraid to dive into our issues — fixing real problems takes a lot of emotional labor that becomes increasingly difficult to justify when you don’t really like your partner. But weed gave us an excuse to relax together, a momentary reprieve from the pain we both felt.

Since weed is a social event, even when Marc didn’t want to be social with me, our bong became an olive tree branch of sorts.

Even just grinding up weed, packing a bowl and smoking together was at least 20 minutes of quality time spent together. In these moments we decompressed from our days and shared small tidbits with each other.

“High sex is the best sex” has always been a personal mantra of mine. For months Marc and I had been avoiding sex altogether. One or both of us couldn’t bring ourselves to be intimate with one another when there were so many underlying issues.

But the haze of weed acts as an aphrodisiac and it was difficult to continue ignoring each other. Sex became intimate again, not just something we did out of habit. It was tender and loving, followed by post-sex cuddles.

There was finally a break in the blizzard that had become our relationship.


Weed did not solve our issues, far from it. It didn’t bring us closure or erase the moments of turmoil. Instead, it reminded me that there was still love there and, at one point, we did enjoy each other’s company.

The love hadn’t disappeared, it was just hiding under pain and betrayal.

Being high gave us the opportunity to enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think it was artificial enjoyment either, it felt genuine. It felt genuine because it was painful at times.

I wanted those moments of intimacy so badly but I also felt deep regret over the situation we were in. We both knew it wasn’t accidental that we were on the verge of a breakup, so many wrong choices had led us to that intersection.

I firmly believe that weed allowed us to take a step back from the pain, to recenter and rekindle some of our flames. But it was still a very small, unconventional part of the solution.

Marc and I have been careful not to rely on a high state of mind. There have been times where despite wanting to be high, he did not want to be high with me because he was dealing with feelings of frustration. Marc didn’t want to feel artificially content, he instead needed to talk through those feelings sober.

We have spent so many hours since trying to work through our issues and we are just beginning the journey of healing (both together and individually). We are going to have to spend so many more hours in the future working through old trauma and dealing with problems that inevitably arise.

A few months ago our moments of intimacy only occurred while we were high — these days those moments occur both sober and intoxicated.

We are loving with each other and affectionate independent of the state of mind we find ourselves in. We goof off, he smiles at me. And while high sex still is the best sex, our sex life is slowly getting back to normal with or without weed.

Before we started smoking together it was increasingly difficult to only have serious, dismal conversations. Without weed, I’m not sure if we would have had an excuse to spend quality time together.

I’d like to believe we would have found our footing regardless, there was nothing more I wanted at the time, but getting high together allowed it to happen more organically.

Marijuana saved our relationship enough for us to start liking each other again. It gave us hope that there was still love to be had and it provided us with the necessary break in the tension.

It was those tender moments that gave me the strength to continue the difficult work of healing.

via@medium

Faith AnnFollow Jan 13 · 5 min read

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